Screw the Queue

A few months back, I broke my shoulder in an accident on a train heading toward Rishikesh. I've been seeing a doctor at Sitaram Bhartia Clinic every few days for physical therapy and the like.

One my biggest pet peeves here in this country is personal space. As an American, I feel VERY uncomfortable if a person comes within three feet of my body. It's just the way Americans are. You can always spot the Yanks at international conferences because they'll be the ones with their backs up against the walls from stepping backward away from people they perceive as being too close to them. Funny really...

When I stand in a line, I leave enough space between me and the person in front of me for my personal comfort. I can feel the breath of the person standing behind me. People don't actually line up, it's more of a mob of people around the window all shouting for attention. The queue is merely a suggestion. Women typically don't wait in line and just simply walk right up to the front and interrupt whatever is going on. This happened while I was paying my bill at the clinic.

Me: "Hi, I'd like to pay my bill?"

Customer Rep: Certainly, Madam." We exchanged information and he began entering the information into the computer. An older lady approached the desk and started asking him questions, while he was processing my payment.

Me: "Do you mind? He's working with me right now."

Auntie: "I'm just asking him a question." And then she continued to talk with him.

Me: "I DO mind. Wait your turn."

Auntie: "Who do you think you are?"

Me: Who do you think YOU are?"

Auntie: "I'm an Indian."

Me: "Congratulations. You want fries with that? I was STILL here first. Wait your turn."

Auntie: "My mother in law is having x-rays..."

Me: "I don't care. You can still wait your god damned turn."

At this point, everyone else in the building had arrived at the front desk to watch this including a few of the doctors.

Auntie: "You think you can talk to me like that? Shit! Shit! Go back to your own country."

Me: "This is my country. I live here. I pay taxes. I have every right to pay my bill without your interruptions. Wait your fucking turn."

Everyone's eyes were on me now. The pain I was experiencing made me more susceptible to any additional discomfort from dealing with her crap. I had no patience with her and wasn't going to let her force her way in front of me. Sure, it was a small thing, but this was just the last straw. She shut up and waited.

The Customer Service rep was clearly uncomfortable, but he hurried up with the bill and processed my payment quickly and we left. I can imagine the conversation that followed.

Look. I'm in India because of what it does right and it does a lot of things right. The bullshit I vent about on this blog are not exclusively Indian nor an attack on their culture - just look at the nightmare we call the Department of Motor Vehicles or the Unemployment Office in the States. I'm just as much of a bitch at home as I am here. I stick up for my rights, I do my best to ensure that I'm not cheated, and I demand that people I'm working with, be them doctors, accountants, or my coworkers try to respect my time just as much as I try to respect theirs (that means not being late for meetings or appointments). Cultural issues ARE difficult. My language, the tone of my voice, the way I speak, even my body language can seem like an attack to many people here and makes them defensive. I don't mean to come off like that. Even people in my own country call me intimidating (including my 6'6", 250 lb. ex-business partner). I am direct to a fault. It's something I need to work on, but the truth is, there are a lot of people, both back home and here, that value my honesty and directness. They are fiercely loyal to me (and me to them) and everyone else who wants to just sit back for an hour sipping tea and chatting before getting to the point, can bite me.

My method for streamlining my personal waiting in a queue process is simple. People trying to cut in line here get body blocked first. Then a comment, like, "I'm next," in a very firm voice accompanied by what has come to be known as the "Heydecker Death Glare". :-) This works remarkably well in train stations. I actually wait in the lines, instead of being pushed ahead because I'm a foreigner. I don't see myself that way. I'm not a rich tourist and I don't deserve special attention just because of the color of my skin. I do, however, expect the country I'm living in to understand that I'm not from this culture. I may make mistakes, but miscommunication works both ways. A "yes" most of the time doesn't really mean yes here, because confrontation is not socially acceptable. Demanding a commitment on, say a delivery or a repair, should be honored and most times, it's not. I think these things are unreasonable and should be in any culture.

Lately I've been questioning whether my personality is simply unsuitable for India. I'm wondering if I should just pack it all in and head elsewhere, where people will understand or accept me better. The issue, though, is that in some of the companies I've worked at here in India, the bosses that have given me a free hand to make change received huge benefits from my "different" perspective. Other bosses, that have wanted me to fit in to the Indian culture have had a much poorer experience with me. My fierce determination to do the best work possible in the most efficient manner and at the lowest possible cost is diametrically opposed to my personal experience dealing with the bureaucratic minutiae, backtracking and passive aggression I experience in Indian companies from those who feel threatened or disrespected by me.

And this respect thing is a BIG deal here. Layers of management don't mingle. Your boss is Mr. Somebody, not Bob. You use a more formal, subservient Hindi when talking to him (and it's 99.9% a him, BTW - I'm typically the only woman in an executive level or leading a group). American's don't play this game. Not at all. In fact, I'll say "Sir" to my driver, who gets a big kick out of it, just because to him, it's so wrong for me to do so.

I'm heading to Barcelona tomorrow, another culture with it's own idiosyncracies. At least I'll just a visitor there...

Onward...
-- Jeanne

Don't Drink and Ask for a Recommendation on Linkedin

I got an email the other day from Moez, some random person on Linkedin, asking for a recommendation. I don't know this person. Never met him.

Linkedin isn't Orkut. It's for professional networking. It's for adults who want to enrich and further their careers, build their networks, etc. I was really pissed off that some idiot wanted me to use my reputation to further himself without understanding what he was asking from me. When someone says to me, "I recommend this person", I take into accountwhat I know about the person who I'm speaking to. Are they professional? Am I impressed with the quality of their work? Would this person they're recommending be an asset to my team?

When I recommend someone, I do it because I have experience with them. I know their capabilities. If I say they're a star, I stake my reputation on it. Clearly this person has no understanding of how this works. I'm questioning whether he even understands English...

Here's a screen shot of his linkedin page. He actually posted it.

 

Enjoy.

Heading to Mobile World Congress in Barcelona

Two weeks from now, I will be heading to Barcelona for Mobile World Congress, the biggest GSM conference in the world. VNL and Shyam, two of my companies, will be exhibiting across the aisle from each other in Hall 2, so I'll be supervising the building of TWO different booths this year. Exciting? Yes, but also a TON of work. The space is challenging - I'm dealing with three large columns that restricted our options on layout, but we came up with a set of matching designs using the same materials to illustrate the connection between the two companies. I can't wait to share the photos.

VNL will be continuing to demonstrate its village deployment solution, a small, easy-to-assemble solar powered base station that can be transported to any corner of the planet. Shyam Telecom will be introducing a bunch of new products that I'm really excited about.

VNL is also up for two awards - Green Telecom and Technology Innovation. The second day of the show will feature the announcements on these... I'm hoping we win this year. I'd like to see Rajiv make his way to the podium and thank a room full of industry leaders for one or both of the awards!

I'm also looking forward to visiting Spain and eating lots of interesting foods and drinking lovely wines... meeting people from all over the world... meeting up with staff that work on other continents... good times.

See you in Barcelona. :-)

How NOT to Use Linkedin for Marketing

Today, I received this lovely email from a gent in Bangalore who wanted to sell me something:

On 01/05/10 11:19 PM, CHAKRAVARTHI BEZAWADA B tech(biotech),MBA(IB) wrote:
--------------------
dear sir
i am chakravrthi from bangalore, India .i have done engineering and masters in business administration.i have started an add agency named as laser ads .which is very innovative and effective .i am an young entrepreneur .presently we are having few young dynamic brains for this project.we are providing services at low cost and more effective manner.we are cost effective because we are expecting very few renumeration.we are working for building of strong brand.
we offer
company brand recall
product information
our ways of promotion
paper cups
water cans
green ads
sand ads
these are the some vehicles of our ad promotions.all our ads are eco friendly and effective.as our name laser our ads are more penetrative in nature.as we are young and dynamic we are commited to work hard for building trust on brand.as we are young please give us an opportunity so that we will
provide best service.
thanking you
LASER ADS
B.C.VARTHI

My response to this gentleman:


Are you for real? First, I'm not a sir as you can plainly see in my avatar. Second, my first language is English and what you wrote is barely English. If you want to sell something to me, figure out who I am, and present yourself in as professional a manner as possible. Why would I expect you to provide me with quality products when your email is so very poorly written? Why would I expect you to have any attention to detail with my order?


Don't contact me again. In marketing, you have 30 seconds maximum to make me interested. Instead, I am repulsed. There are so many things wrong here, I can't even begin to describe the issues...


Good luck.

Here on my blog, I can get into more detail. First, I don't know this person at all. He's not connected to me except through some random group I'm connected to on Linkedin. What I found so appalling was the obvious mass emailing that the person did without any regard to netiquette. (I suspect it was one of the green group because he does mention "eco-friendly"...)
1. Why would I care what his educational background was?
2. He says his "add agency" (sic) is innovative and effective. How? Why should I believe him?
3. What the hell does this mean? "

we offer
company brand recall
product information
our ways of promotion

4. And what the hell are these?

green ads
sand ads

Serious issue? No contact information in the email. No web site.  Let me say that again - NO WEB SITE. And that only took me a minute. Think about how much more appalling it would be if I really wanted to comment on the grammar and punctuation! :-)

How to Start Up a Startup

Last week, I was talked into going to Startup Saturday, an ongoing initiative by Headstart that hosts a monthly, community-driven forum for entrepeneurs to help them build their businesses. I go to, perhaps, mentor. I'm beyond and far more experienced than most of the people in the room and I meet a lot of naive and idealistic short termers that don't fully understand what being an entrpreneur does to you, personally, and to your loved ones (who won't see you as much as your employees).

If you really, really want to be an intrepreneur, here's a few tips that, while I think they're pretty basic and common sense, I'm repeating over and over again...

Rule #1: Do What You Love.

Rahul Jain, who runs a business coaching consultancy, asked the question, "Why do you want to start a company?" to the audience and the main response was to make a lot of money. If you want to start a company just to make a lot of money, STFU and go away. You won't be happy. You'll be unfocused. You'll take on any project just for the money and that leads to a company that does a lot of small business, works hard to get paid and in the end, scratches by, barely making a profit. I've seen this over and over and over and over again during the 25 years I've been working with startups and small businesses.

My grandfather used to tell me to "do what you love and the money will come". He was an artist and sculptor in NYC and even though he was unsatisfied with the art world as a whole, his passion was creating, expressing, and making commentary. He did what he loved his entire life and he did well. My passions are varied and many, but I love to build and create. I take companies to the next level - attempting to attain the entrepreneur's exit strategy. I've been through so many mergers, buyouts and IPOs that they don't give me the rush they used to. Nevertheless, it's the building and creating that make me enjoy my work. And I do well enough. I'm not rich by any stretch of the imagination, but as a single parent, I am capable of providing my family with a comfortable life and that's pretty much enough. Money doesn't make you happy - it only complicates your life. Really.

If you're doing what you love to do, getting a paycheck for it is like getting two desserts. :-) But before you decide to chuck that cushy job at the big multinational to make fruit flavoured pin cushions, make sure that you can clearly state what the problem is that you will solve for your market, how big of a problem it is, and whether the target market can afford to pay you what you need to solve the problem. Answer this and you are ahead of 80% of new company launches.

If you can't answer this, STOP here, and keep your day job.

Rule #2: Screw the Business Plan, But Do the Math.

Once you figure out what you love and have decided to forge ahead, you need to figure out how to make money. This is the main thing in my life that pisses me off, more than not finding a parking space, cancer, anything - don't start ANY business without understanding how to make money off it!

Let me say this again:

Don't start ANY business without understanding how to make money off it.

I will stab the next person who tells me that you can build traffic first and then figure out how to monetize the damn thing. Fuck that. Revenue is what drives a business. Revenue is required for a healthy cash flow. Your employees expect to be paid. They've risked their livelihood to take jobs in your company. Their lives are now your responsibility. Vendors need to be paid for what they have done to support your business. You need to spend money to market your business. Of course, you can borrow money, attract investors, sell your house, whatever, but bottom line, having a plan on how to generate an initial revenue stream is paramount to your success.

The math you need to do first needs to describe your initial needs. How much do you need a month to run your business? Let's say, after paying yourself (which I strongly suggest), office rent, supplies, etc., you'll need about 100,000 rupees (US$ 2,000) a month to pay your expenses. Then ask yourself what are you willing to spend on marketing and sales? Typically, 20% of your profit should go to marketing/sales expenses. Let's say between your advertising, networking expenses, etc. you'll spend, 30,000 rupees (US$ 650) a month, that means your profit should be around 150,000 rupees, which is a healthy ROI. This provides a goal to reach for each month. You need 250,000 (US$ 5,000) a month to make your business profitable and provides the cash flow you'll need to invest back into your business. You should do this math every month as things evolve, and they certainly will, if you do this right.

If you can't figure out how to earn this much money each month, STOP here, and keep your day job.

Rule #3: Focus On Identity & Messaging.

Develop one sentence that states the problem you solve for your market. You have 30 seconds to describe what you do (and that's only if your contact is patient and open - not me). What access points will be most effective for your target market? Who are they? How can you emotionally connect to them? What makes you different from the competition? What can you do to minimize the risk your prospect will take by making a change - engaging you - instead of their current vendor.

In the States, we call this the Elevator Pitch. You get into an elevator and are surprised to see the CEO of the biggest company in your market. If you were able to get his (or her!) business, your success as a company would be assured. You introduce yourself to them and they ask, "What do you do?" You have 30 seconds before you get off the elevator - what do you say? This is the Elevator Pitch - quick, refined down to the last syllable, and should generate interest in getting more information. Everyone around you should be able to tell you back what your company does just as easily. Get this done.

Identity
Building your identity system is important because it defines the quality of your company. If you have a shitty logo, most people will assume everything else about your company will be just as shitty. Your logo should differentiate you from the competition, and define who you are, what you do, and how you do it. Are you open, casual and friendly? Are you formal, conservative and not a company that takes unnecessary risks? Your identity should reflect it. Then ask a couple of people in your target market what they think of it. Once you've gotten feedback, refine and launch your identity.

You may have to find someone, hire someone, to help you with this. Get the best you can afford. This is a significant investment in your future.

Messaging
As part of your 30 seconds, you will need introduce the problem you solve, differentiate yourself, and minimize risk for your prospect. These are your core messages. Ensure you get these messages into everything you do, from web site, collateral, business cards, everything. Sometimes a tagline in conjunction with your logo helps; sometimes not.

At this point you'll need a web site, a 10-slide Powerpoint Presentation, and a one-page executive summary. Start with the executive summary. This is the outline and overview of your company, focused on the Elevator Pitch. Then build out your PPT, expanding on the pitch. Use WordPress or some other easy CMS system to build your web site, drop in your logo, add a matching theme and you're ready to add content. Move the powerpoint content over, expand into a little more detail if required and you're good to go.

Obviously, if you're selling products instead of services, this requires a little more work. Services are "easier to fake". Products require descriptions (based on your identity & messaging), specifications, SKU#s, etc. but once that work is completed, your company is ready to launch. Services only require a proposal. I'm not going to get into pricing strategies, researching competitor data, etc., in the post, but I feel it worth mentioning that you should understand the marketplace well and develop your product offering/proposals only after doing your homework.

If you can't write a clear, concise Elevator Pitch, STOP here, and keep your day job.

Rule #4: Jump in with Both Feet, but Stretch First.

Startups are a hell of a lot of work. Don't expect to see your family if you plan to be the sales, marketing, customer service, billing, quality control, etc. for a company. Novices assume that if you do Rules 1-3 that the rest takes care of itself. No, actually, you can do those rules while working for someone else - now you need to close your eyes and jump off the deep end. Passion and Sacrifice go hand-in-hand at this point. As an entrepreneur, you have give up having a normal 9-5 job so you better enjoy what you're doing. Your "work/life balance" is fucked for at least a year, usually three. As your company grows, you can hire people to do the parts of the company you like the least (mine was accounting/billing, next was HR.). As you hire employees, the complexity of your business increases, so streamlining systems and processes, careful documentation of each position will enable you to focus on higher level things, like, um, taking your business to the next level.

Eventually, as some entrepreneurs do, you'll begin to miss the rush, the insanity, the chaos that starting a company inflicts upon you (much like giving birth) and start reflecting on the "good old days". Sometimes, you discover the germ of a new endeavor, a new passion, or one you've wanted to explore... This is the realization that you are a serial entrepreneur.

You'll need to decide what your exit strategy will be. Some will do this until they die and will the business to their family; some sell it and move on; others will go IPO...

Sometimes, things just don't work out. The passion wasn't sustainable, you misjudged the potential of the market, perhaps you mismanaged the messaging, who knows. You may have to start ten companies before you build one that grows up to be something. It's worth it for the person with the fortitude (and some call insanity) to make the leap.

India Telecom

India Telecom is the largest telecom conference in India held annually in New Delhi. My marketing team attended the exhibition on Day 2, expecting to see lots of innovative telecom equipment, especially considering the Copenhagen Climate Change Conference was just around the corner. Instead, we saw a lot of Chinese component manufacturers, and nothing much new from the big multinationals that did show up - there were notable non-players. We didn't see Huawei, Kathrein, Powerwave, ZTE, or LG... (if they were there, we didn't notice them.)

The Solar Players

Nokia Siemens Networks
The three of us walked into their booth in the secondary hall (18) and was greeted by a young lady that clearly did not want to be there. I asked about their solar-powered solutions. She pointed to the left and put her hand back under her chin. I stared at her for a second and said, "Where? Who am I supposed to speak to?" With a sigh, she got up out of her chair and walked to a table of men clearly in a meeting. She interrupted them, a man excused himself and asked what I was interested in, and upon finding out I was interested in solar, he pointed to the left and said to speak to that gentlemen there. There were two exhibitor staff and one visitor having a discussion. We walked again to the left, smiled and waved at the two booth staff. One looked at me, then looked back at his colleague who was talking to the visitor.

I said, "Excuse me, I'm interested in learning more about your solar powered telecom equipment?" He shushed me and asked me to wait. "Wait?" I looked around. There must have been ten or twelve booth staff and about four visitors. I mentioned this to my staff in a loud voice, stating why should we have to wait... With a sigh, the gent listening to the other gent talk, walked us over to a solar panel and pointed at it. "This is our solution."

"Hmmm." I noticed the large metal cabinet filled with batteries. (There must have been 4 or 5 batteries per shelf; the entire cabinet was the size of a refrigerator.) I asked where the inverter was. No answer. At this point, the other gent approached and asked if he could help. He told us that they use an 80-panel array requiring 6,000 sqm to power a tower that used that sized battery bank. (Can you imagine?) He stated that they were working with Aircel and Airtel and that they had 270 sites live in Orissa and MP. (To be clear, 270 times 6,000 = 1,620,000 sqm minimum devoted to powering telecom equipment in Orissa & MP. Wouldn't that land be better used, for say... growing food in a developing country?) He wouldn't be more specific. He refused to name a price for their product then handed me a brochure that merely discussed the benefits of renewable energy solutions. No technical data, no pricing, no capabilities, no requirements. He promised to send me this information. I'm not too confident, although he was the only person at the show representing Nokia that seemed informed, professional and courteous.

Luminous Teleinfra Limited (SAR Group)
When we walked into their booth, we were pretty much mobbed by the booth staff who seemed very eager to meet us. I asked about their solar telecom solutions and they seemed to have one. They seemed to have a bit of everything, actually. There was a wind turbine, and a diesel generator as well. They seem to be more of a services company sourcing equipment and customizing the solution per site. They said their solutions started at $10K US, but they wouldn't say exactly which of their solutions that detailed (was it solar? solar/wind combo? back up generator, what?). They stated that their projects were "All over India, but mainly in Orissa and MP." Both companies mentioned these two states. Luminous stated they were working with Airtel, so it seems that Airtel is leading the solar deployments in India (at least based on what the players at India Telecom had to say). My impression of Luminous was that they had no focus based on what they had to tell me. To every question I asked, I got the same answer: "Yes, Madam." I'm not sure they understood my English. :-)

No one at Airtel could answer anything except about their consumer solutions. It appeared that they had focused on consumer services and did not expect to hear any questions as to their network infrastructure. (I hope this changes. If consumers began asking what percentage of their networks were using renewable energy and basing their buying decision on that, it could make a significant impact on the mobile operator's onus to build out responsibly.)

Vodaphone also focused on consumer products, the selling of phones and services. They also couldn't answer what percentage of their network deployment in India was powered by renewable energy, but then, their booth staff were pretty lame and uniformed even about the products that they were distributing brochures for. Asking questions from left field just gave them a dazed and bewildered look.

Ericsson had the largest presence at the show and had a little of everything in their booth. Their network rollout literature mentions nothing about renewable energy-based solutions and it seems that they are focusing on BTS swaps and site management services.

Other Notes

I was surprised to see Motorola there. Having lived near to their Death Star headquarters in Naperville Illinois, USA, and having watched them implode upon themselves since 2002, I wasn't thinking they'd be continuing to market through trade shows. Anyway. They were presenting consumer equipment, but also had a minor play in in-building wireless solutions. They were really unfocused with WiMax products mixed in with IBWS (don't say they're the same thing - I've been assured they are not), the displays made no sense. They only had product literature for some products and not others. Ah, well. Motorola... Fair thee well...

Okay, I'm just going to say it. Trade show booth programs are expensive and difficult to do well. Unfocused programs and untrained staff makes for a waste of resources - both in cash and staffing. There is nothing worse than providing a bad visitor experience, online or offline. Be easy to access, provide the information the person wants quickly, allow them to interact as they want to, and provide feedback. Send them on their way with a thank you.

Some of the things I do to make a trade show visit memorable is introduce something interesting about me as a person as well as part of the conversation. It helps to provide an interesting point about the person as well as the company. It's pretty easy for me since I'm an American living in India partially off the grid so it ties in well with what my company does, yet adds that intangible you can't get from a "booth babe". When they get an email from me, my response rate will be just that little bit higher. Remembering facts about them (written on the back of their card) written into your email helps as well. It's all about developing relationships, and trade shows are just like speed dating - you have three minutes, tops, to engage and send them away, hopefully with something nice to say about you and wanting to learn more. Once you figure out how to spend those three minutes of engagement as a company and train your staff on how to go about it, you will have a much more successful program.

Indian Government Links

If you've ever wondered how anything gets done in India (as I often have), this list is for you. My favorite Yahoo! group, Yuni-Net, has once again provided valuable information I would gladly pay for. This list provides links to several pages on the india.gov.in web site for all those lovely pieces of paper we all need to verify our existence here. I'm not saying any of this will work - I went to the Home Ministry site and downloaded the really nice PDF forms for registering as a foreigner, filled them out and took them to the Ministry only to be told they weren't the correct forms and had to fill out four copies on a badly made photocopy of a random word document. Enjoy. :-)

How Do I Obtain A...

• Birth Certificate
• Caste Certificate
• Tribe Certificate
• Domicile Certificate
• Driving Licence
• Marriage Certificate
• Death Certificate

How Do I Apply For...

• PAN Card
• TAN Card
• Ration Card
• Passport
• Inclusion of name in the Electoral Rolls

How Do I Register...

• Land/Property
• A Vehicle
• With State Employment Exchange
• As an Employer
• A Company
• An .IN Domain
• A GOV.IN Domain

How Do I Check/Track...

• The Waiting List Status for Central Government Housing
• The Status of Stolen Vehicles
• Land Records
• Cause List of Indian Courts
• Court Judgments (JUDIS)
• Daily Court Orders/Case Status
• Acts of Indian Parliament
• Exam Results
• Speed Post Status
• Agricultural Market Prices Online

How Do I Book/File/Lodge...

• Train Tickets Online
• Air Tickets Online
• Income Tax Returns
• Complaint with Central Vigilance Commission (CVC)

How Do I Contribute To...

• Prime Minister's Relief Fund

Others:

• Send Letters Electronically

How Do I Search for Available Services?

• Advance Search